LMNOP: January 2025.

Birds. What Are Doing With?

What are we doing with birds now? Lots of things. We are doing lots and lots of things with birds. We are feeding birds. We are watching birds. We are eating birds. We are studying birds. We are putting birds in cages. We are talking to birds. We are teaching birds. We are learning from birds. We are eating birds. We are drawing birds. We are painting birds. We are flying birds. We are giving birds away. We are imitating birds. We are limiting birds. We are competing with birds. We are screaming at birds. We are eating birds. We are teaching birds words. We are reading about birds. These are the things we are doing. These are the things we are doing with birds.

New Office Suite on Sagittarius A*.

Our latest office suites on Jupiter and The Sun have worked out so well that we decided it was time to expand further. We are pleased to report that we are the first to EVER have office suites located inside Sagittarius A*. Working and living inside a black hole is a surprisingly wild ride. You never know what's going to happen because anything CAN. We've made some real strange contacts on Sagittarius A*, but they would be difficult to name or describe. Suffice to say everything there is very very different. We've learned to ignore things like sights and sounds because they no longer have any meaning. And we've learned that distance and gravity aren't so important when they no longer exist. We invite others to visit our office suites inside Sagittarius A*. Everyone seems to think that black holes are scary realms into the unknown. Nah. Nothing could be further from the truth. Once you get inside them, black holes are tons of magical fun. We love playing with the large colorful abstract inhabitants who are always willing and able to amuse us.

Dandruff. The Secret Problem.

There is a secret problem in our world that few are willing to discuss. The problem is so pervasive that it has become the very biggest problem of all time. The problem is harsh and cruel and it knows no boundaries. The problem is impersonal and rude and it doesn't care whose lives it ruins. The problem has a name. The name of the problem is DANDRUFF. But don't discuss it with anyone because it is a secret. Do you know what dandruff is? Dandruff is horrible little white flakes that grow on the human scalp at the base of the hair follicles and then fall on the shoulders of the victim. When others see the flakes they are horrified and try to distance themselves as quickly as possible. Everyone has dandruff to varying degrees. But few realize that dandruff can easily lead to brain damage and cause them to die fifteen years earlier than they normally would. In order to study dandruff the nation's top expert chemists took several of the instant particles and studied them for a period of five hundred years. During this time they watched the particles grow and expand and eventually evolve into giant monsters roaming the earth. After many years the monsters transformed into brain eating bacteria that began eating human brains across the globe. Once the population's brains was all ate up the bacteria turned back into giant monsters and began stomping on everything in sight. Once everything was all mushed up the giant dandruff monsters laughed and laughed until the cows came home. Once the cows was all home, everything in sight was covered in dandruff. And that has led us to the present day where dandruff is now the biggest problem of all time. Sadly, there is no way to stop it. It will continue to grow and evolve until there is nothing left. Dandruff is bad. It is a bad problem. It is a bad problem that cannot be solved. But that's okay. Because dandruff is our friend. We all like friends. And dandruff is most certainly one of the best friends ever.

Children are O.K. with TOOTH DECAY.

Children are sometimes more apt to see the trees in the forest than adults. And never could this be more true than in the area of oral health. For many years children have been encouraged to brush their teeth and use mouth wash. But over time neither has made much difference. Children in the twenty-first century are increasingly inclined to stop all the daily brushing. They no longer see it as necessary because, in their view, tooth decay is not a bad thing. On the contrary, many children now report that tooth decay makes them feel more appealing and 'cool' to their friends. So what do dentists and doctors have to say about this? Dr. Jersten Irfwald makes his position crystal clear: "When we force our children to brush their teeth we are telling them that we do not trust them to make decisions for themselves. This forced behavior eventually leads to distrust and erosion of the brain which is far more damaging over time than a few rotting teeth." Professor Lilly-Sam Tinglestation says "The average child now wants to stand out from the crowd. If every child they know has perfect white teeth they want something completely different. This tendency to steer away from the norm has led to a new generation that prefers more interesting smiles that are decorated with pockets of darkness and decay." Children in the twenty-first century know what matters and they have a preference for new electronic things that make funny noises. Clean teeth have become a bothersome burden to the average child, contributing to obesity, hypertension and an entire range of other physical and mental disorders. If children want to do things they do them. If they do not want to do things they do not do them. It's as simple as that. We can sometimes actually see the forest because the trees are no longer stable and resilient.

Entertainment & Music News

* Back In Overdrive. They're back. Randy Bachman and his band Bachman-Turner Overdrive are touring again in 2025. Fans of 1970s rock will be in ecstasy hearing their favorite tracks performed live in 2025. * Stadiums are closing. People no longer go to stadiums so the decision has been made to close them all. No word yet on what (if anything) will replace them. * Kukla, Fran & Ollie. There's never been anything like 'em and there never will be again. Kukla, Fran & Ollie contributed so much to the world of entertainment. And yet they are hardly ever referenced in the twenty-first century, probably because are considered visually primitive by today's standards. But the dialogue was anything but primitive. On the first show, the puppets explain some very detailed specific information about how television cameras work. In another show the puppets discuss promoting products (lemonade) and Ollie says he has his tooth on the pulse of the American public (haw haw!). We love Kukla, Fran & Ollie. Wonderful puppetry infused with a keen sense of humor. There were no special effects so the focus was on dialogue, which was excellent. Burr Tillstrom, Fran Allison and their make-believe friends are refreshing and inventive. Our favorite moments are when Mr. Tillstrom spontaneously veers off script and has some rather direct and spontaneous moments with Ms. Allison. Her facial expressions are priceless when this happens. Burr was one of the first puppeteers to reach millions of people in the early stages of television. As such, more folks should be aware of this uniquely talented man's contributions to the world of puppets. A super cool individual has created a fantastic website honoring Kukla, Fran and Ollie. Check it out at Kukla.tv. You can also stream the shows on the internet. Highly recommended viewing. * Ho-Hum To Knowledge. People around the world are reporting that they are tired of learning. Very tired. And they have finally decided that they don't have to learn anything anymore because no one can make them. It's called the No Knowledge Movement and momentum is growing. More and more adults and children are jumping on the bandwagon to discard the idea that they have to know things in order to survive. * Pretty Bird Mouse. There is a lovely bird flying through the sky. She has a wingspan of five miles and brilliant green eyes that pierce through everything. The pretty bird has a name. Her name is Mouse. Everyone watches as Mouse dips and dives through the clouds and then gracefully soars her way toward the Sun. On our last trip to the Sun, Mouse joined us on our journey. Once we got there we invited Mouse to join us for pastries and hot chocolate in our plush office suites. It was a fun day that none of us will ever forget. Keep your eyes to the sky because there is a chance that you just might see Mouse flying by. * Underground favorites Caeser Pink & The Imperial Orgy have a new album out entitled A Whole New Way of Makin' It Happen! This band has generated a good deal of attention over the past few years, probably because they're doing things their way instead of following the usual well-trodden paths. Recorded to analog tape in Brooklyn, New York, the new album features thirty peculiar compositions that are sure to plans fans of the band. * Longtime recording artist John McCutcheon has a new album out entitled Field of Stars. John has a zest for life and making music that seems to be endless and timeless. Listening to these intelligent melodic tracks, you'd never guess McCutcheon has been making music for decades. John's songs are smart and have a unique focus. * Hollywood, California's Feef Mooney has just released a new EP entitled Special Friend Two. Mooney's songs could be embraced by millions with the right turn of the key. Six truly entertaining tracks on this release. Lending their talents on these recordings are Chris Price (keys, percussion, backing vocals) and Fernando Perdomo (bass, percussion). * The second full-length release from Ex-Void has just been released by Germany's Tapete Records. The new album is entitled In Love Again. The band is the duo of Lan McArdle and Owen Williams, this time joined by Laurie Foster on bass and George Rothman on drums. This band made quite a splash with the debut album (Bigger Than Before). Our guess is that In Love Again will receive even more positive praise than the debut. Ten curious tracks including "Swansea," "Nightmare" and "Outline." * 2024 was a gigantic year for JAM Records. The label released a whole slew of albums from iconic recording artist Jeremy Morris: Mystery of the Seven Stars, Wonderful, Soul Saver, The Promise, Footprints and The Future Is the Past. How can one individual manage to write and record so much credible music? No one knows for sure, but Jeremy manages to out-produce just about everyone in the twenty-first century while making sure the quality is always top notch. JAM also released a nifty new album by Jim Sadler entitled Hunting Harmony. The album features eleven cool tracks including "Karl's Sonata," "Like A Cardinal" and "Going Home."