LMNOP: August 2025.

"All my friends told me not to buy Genetic Hungry Animal Producer Liquid because they said it was just another money grab by a phony company. Boy were they wrong! I wished for a Magic Bunny and it worked. That damn rabbit had my neck tight in it's toothy grip within seconds and tore me to shreds before I even knew what was happening. It felt great! I always dreamed of this kind of thing but I figured it would never happen to me. Now I am lucky. I am lucky and happy! I am lucky and happy and all ate up so I don't have to do nothing no more! This is totally super neato!"

-- Albert Limbertose, Pittsburgh, PA

"My grandmother spent her entire life wishing she could be ate up by a Big Pink Aquatic Slither Thing. The rest of my family always felt helpless because we had no idea how to help her fulfill her dream. Poor old Granny. She always seemed left out when it came to cool things that were fun and adventurous. But then one day a friend told me about this stuff called Genetic Hungry Animal Producer Liquid so I ordered a bottle. You should have seen Granny when she opened her eyes and saw that Slither Thing getting ready to chow down on her flesh. It was priceless! We never saw Granny so happy in all her life Now we don't see her at all no more because she ain't there no more."

-- Betty Stock Binterstolp, Albany, NY

"All the other kids at school used to laugh at me because I couldn't get ate up by anything. Then one day my mommy got hold of this special liquid stuff and put it on a kitchen sponge. I closed my eyes and wished for a Lovely Reddish-Pink Swan Bird. When I opened my eyes, there it was -- as real as real could be. That bird thing had razor-sharp teeth and it knew how to use them. It felt great as the world began to slow down and I felt myself floating off into oblivion. Kids don't make fun of me no more so I guess I'm a lot better now. Thank you important company whose name I can't remember right at the moment. Thank you for giving me the honor and respect that I so genuinely deserve!"

-- Little Jed Jumper-Thread, Ontario, Canada

New Study Proves Bitter Sarcasm Is Linked to Profession.

A new study proves what many of us have known for years. There is a direct link between profession and profound sarcasm. People whose jobs require them to work directly with the public are fifty times more likely to be severely bitter about the human race. The study was conducted by a group in Great Britain called the Society For Exposing the Obvious by Conducting Thoroughly Exhaustive Studies. Two thousand participants were studied over a fifteen year period, many of whom originally worked in good jobs before switching to ones that involved lots of human contact. The results of the study were comprehensive and exact. The findings revealed that once individuals began working with the general public their perception of the human race went downhill at a blistering speed. The study also revealed that once the sarcasm was firmly entrenched in the brain, it remained there permanently even if the individual opted to switch to a better job at some later point in life. Occupations that produce the most serious sarcasm include waiters and waitresses, bartenders, hair stylists, receptionists, retail sales and customer service representatives, bank tellers and health care workers. People who chose these professions repeatedly reported that they felt the human race was nothing more than a smelly cesspool of rotten scum. Let's take a look at one case study that sums things up nicely. Consider the case of Linda J. who was once a nice young girl with a very positive attitude. But that was before she became a full-time waitress...

CASE STUDY: Linda J., Waitress, Omaha, Nebraska

Linda J. first started working in her early teens caring for tiny injured birds at a local sanctuary. Helping the birds made her feel warm inside and she never experienced any real problems other than having to deal with death occasionally. The job didn't pay much at all. Eventually her best friend told her she could make ten times as much money working at the pricey trendy urban restaurant where she worked. Although hesitant at first, Linda eventually decided to take the job because she desperately needed more money to survive. It wasn't long before she was raking in more money than she could have ever imagined. But at the same time she noticed something strange happening to her personality and her overall view of people. Whereas the job caring for birds made her feel good about everything the waitress job left her feeling cold and distant from the start. Why did people treat her so poorly just because she was bringing them food? And why did so many customers feel like she was a piece of meat they could temporarily flirt with just because she was their waitress for the evening? Linda could never figure it out. Her friend told her that she should flirt with strangers because she could earn more money that way. So the next night when a super ugly greasy old man started flirting with Linda she flirted back. It didn't feel right, but she did it anyway. Sure enough, when the creepy old codger left there was a huge tip of over three hundred dollars on the table. She took the money and put it in her purse. But when she did, she immediately felt a sudden urgent pain in her abdomen. She ran to the lady's room and got very sick. She threw up over and over and over. And then just when she thought she was feeling better she got sick all over again and continued vomiting. Linda threw up all night long. The throw up was a strange color, sort of lime green with orange sprinkles and dove tails on top. She thought she could hide the throw up from her co-workers so she slopped it up with her pretty dress. But instead of solving the problem, it only made things worse and she got sick all over again. From that point forward Linda began despising other people. She began to notice how stupid they sounded when they talked and how self-centered they were. She started feeling angry all the time. Angry and sick. She kept the job and continued making lots of money, but once she took the waitress job she never ever dated another human being. She didn't even want to have friends anymore because everyone made her feel crummy. She couldn't stand herself either because she felt like she had sold her soul to the devil. She longed to go back to her old job but she knew it wouldn't make any difference because the study conducted by the Society For Exposing the Obvious by Conducting Thoroughly Exhaustive Studies proved without a doubt that she was permanently damaged and that even if she changed occupations she would still have the same bitter sarcasm entrenched deep within her psyche.

Linda J. is just one of many . . . one of hundreds of millions of individuals . . . whose view of humanity was permanently damaged by her occupation.

Fertile-Lotsa Sprinkle

For years and years young girls have struggled with rejection. Some girls get chosen by the best of the best while others are passed over time and time again. Why does this happen? Why are some girls preferred while others are considered undesirable? A group of scientists in Manchester, England conducted an exhaustive study from 2005 through 2025. In this study, they interviewed 10,000 up-and-coming young girls in ten countries and followed their progress over time. The results of the study were simple and direct, but not surprising. The single thing that makes a girl desirable is the fertile. Guys can sense it a mile away and girls know innately if they have it or if they don't. Each and every girl that had fertile told stories of how boys always flocked around them to try and get a date. Girls with no fertile said they suffered from a poor self-image and were in a constant state of depression because boys always passed them by. Other factors that were considered included appearance, height, weight and skin color. But these apparently had no obvious effect on a young girl's desirability. No, the only thing that seemed to make a difference was how much fertile the girl had. The scientists then came up with a special powder to remedy the situation. The product is called Fertile-Lotsa Sprinkle. It is very inexpensive and easy to use. All a young girl needs to do is sprinkle some of the powder on her front and back before going out in public. Incredibly, the powder has worked on every single girl who has used it. It's a breakthrough unlike any other breakthrough that has ever broken through. Who would have thought such a profound physical and psychological problem could be solved for under ten bucks? Now that the study has been concluded and the new product has been created, we asked some girls to provide their reactions so that everyone could benefit from their experiences.

"I grew up knowing there was something wrong with me but I didn't know what it was. Then I heard about this study that was done in England and suddenly it all made sense. I never did have no fertile. So it's no wonder that boys never wanted to have anything to do with me. Fed up with everything, I bought a container of Fertile-Lotsa Sprinkle and tried it. Wow. On the very first day I had boys crowding around begging for my attention. I feel so alive and desirable now. Plus I feel like a real girl for the first time ever."

-- Pamela Rinky-Top, San Antonio, TX

"My parents told me boys didn't like me because I was ugly. And my friends told me it was because I had a crummy personality. But I knew it was something much deeper than that. When I heard about the study everything suddenly became crystal clear. The problem wasn't me, it was the fact that something was missing inside. I bought some Fertile-Lotsa Sprinkle and used it, thinking that it was probably just another scam. But I wanted to try it anyway. Boy was I wrong, this stuff works! I got married four times in the first six months and now I'm pregnant with more than a dozen babies. I love feeling like I'm not worthless and ugly now. I really do."

-- Jacquelyn Protosniffer, Philadelphia, PA

"I was always the prettiest and most popular girl in my school. That's just the way it was, right from the start. I heard about the Manchester study and thought it was irrelevant in my world. But then I thought, hey -- if I already have fertile what could it hurt to have even more? So I tried some Fertile-Lotsa Sprinkle. I could have never predicted the effects. Suddenly it wasn't just human boys who were interested in me, it was animal boys too and even insect boys. Everywhere I go now there are crowds of boys, herds of male animals and swarms of boy insects surrounding me. Sometimes there are so many that I can't even see or walk. I love it though! The word for my new condition is called ultra-mega-fertile, which scientists say is rare but not so rare that some people don't have it. So whatever people tell you don't believe them. Even if your life is fantastic and you've got everything in the world you can always have MORE. I even swim with alligators now because I figure I've got nothing to lose. It's great!"

-- Deborah Waddle-Up, Seattle, WA

"This crap is a pathetic scam aimed at young bitches stupid enough to fall for it. A powder to make girls more desirable to the opposite sex? Are you kidding? I don't even want a boyfriend so the idea repulses me. And what's with the word 'fertile' that's being tossed around so randomly here . . . ? The word isn't even being used correctly. It's not a noun you idiots. You people can't even talk or write correctly. If someone offered me the dumb Sprinkle for free I would promptly toss it into the nearest garbage can. What a joke. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people are dumb enough to fall for this crap. People are so damn gullible that they will buy just about anything."

-- Betti Four Getti, Arlington, VA

August 2025 Entertainment, Music and Miscellaneous News

* Looking for something genuinely different? Check out Mighty One Man Band, a one man band that truly is different from the rest because this talented fellow plays everything live simultaneously, with no loops or backing tracks. Considering it's just one guy playing everything, the sound is surprisingly full. Cool credible stuff played with tons of attitude and energy. Recommended. * The band Bass Drum of Death has a new album coming out September 2025 entitled Six. In the meantime, they've released a track from the album entitled "Do Nothing" . . . and man-oh-man is it KILLER. If this track is any indication of what's to come, Six is going to be a must-have release for sure. * One of the most prolific underground pop singer/songwriters of the past few decades, Jeremy Morris packs a mighty punch in 2025 with three new albums. And, as always, each one hits the target dead center. First is Flying High, a tribute to The Byrds featuring eleven well-chosen cover tracks. The album features the talents of Dave Dietrich (drums, percussion), Thomas Malmgrem (guitar, vocals and keyboards on "Church of Byrds"), Bill Morris (trumpet solo on "So You Want To Be A Rock 'n Roll Star") and Jeremy Morris (vocals, 12-string guitars, bass, piano, mellotron and drums). The second release Opener of Eyes finds Jeremy again working with Ken Stringfellow and, not surprisingly, the results are outstanding. Morris and Stringfellow's talents merge beautifully on all thirteen tracks which include "Younger Than Yesterday," "Vulture Culture," "Opener of Eyes" and "Darkness Fades." The third album is entitled Anything Is Possible by Dynamic Duo which is comprised of Randy Massey and Jeremy Morris. The pair composed and recorded all fifteen tracks, somewhat of a melodic pop explosion of sorts. All three releases are on the Jam Records label (JamRecordings.com) and all three are recommended. * We're mentioning the California-based band The Solipsistics again (a longtime babysue favorite) simply because you need to hear this band's music. Truly fantastic stuff. Readers should note that some creatively-challenged individual is trying to steal the band name (pathetic), but we all know that Jeffrey Owen McGregor is and will always be the real Solipsistics. * While we're mentioning cool things in California we want to recommend the band Bracket again -- because we can never get enough of this superb band's killer sound. * Back To Basics. If you've grown tired of the processed cheese sound of so many musical artists in 2025, you may very well feel refreshed by the sound of Paul Coady and The Edsel Brothers. The band has just self-released a seven track mini-album (CD) entitled There Comes A Time that features a back-to-basics sound which allows listeners to focus on sometimes forgotten things like melodies and lyrics. This band's approach reminds us of some of our favorite artists from the 1990s when the home recording revolution really got going. Groovy cuts include "Nut Up," "The Fool You Know," "Dark Dark Days" and "Box of Dynamite." These songs kinda remind us of early Elvis Costello or even very early recordings by The Young Fresh Fellows at times. * Judy Garland is getting back together again later this year. * The band Nada UV has released an intriguing new album entitled Key Lime Pie. The title will already be familiar to some, of course. On this album the band covers each and every track from Camper Van Beethoven's album of the same name from 1989 (the last to be released before the band broke up in 1990). The folks in Nada UV have done some outstanding things with this project. * Brand new Merry Macs. The Merry Macs are back with a new take on their song "Mairzy Doats" that was wildly popular in 1944. The new version is entitled "Mairzy Non-GMO Doats That Lower Their A1C." The melody has been altered accordingly to accommodate the new unnecessarily wordy lyrics that reflect how frustratingly difficult consumption has become in 2025. * New York label Shamus Records has just released the debut album from St. Catherine's Child entitled This Might Affect You. The title says it all, as singer/songwriter Ilana Zsigmond writes and records songs that are surprisingly genuine and real. Her compositions are subtle, featuring nice smooth melodies and lyrics that are way above what one normally hears in 2025. And man oh man what a voice. This captivating young lady comes up with a whole slew of winners here, including "The Stranger," "The Other Side of Twenty Five," "This Might Affect You" and "I Guess That's What Dying Will Do." You can expect to see and hear a lot about this up-and-coming artist in the coming months. * Stadiums closing. Stadiums are now considered a thing of the past. People no longer want to have anything to do with them. Most cities have now closed their stadiums and are deciding what to do with the space that was previously wasted. * Magic Lady Split. A man in Oklahoma City was arrested for sawing a woman in half. Once in custody the man told the arresting offers that it was part of his act as a professional musician. Upon presenting video footage that supported his claim, the officers set the man free. * Just released is the fourth full-length release from the Lake Worth, Florida-based band The Cravens. Their new album (CD) is entitled Strangers To The Truth and it features eleven new recordings. The band has an instantly likeable guitar-driven rhythmic sound that makes you want to move. The band is comprised of Dennis Ambrose (bass), Bill Meredith (drums, percussion), Bill Storch (acoustic and electric guitars, vocals) and John Storch (acoustic and electric guitars, vocals). Cool rockin' tracks include "Long Long Way To Go," "Hold On To What You've Got," "Change Is Coming Soon" and "Strangers To The Truth." * Cry-A-Bunch Events. Large groups of people are congregating in urban areas so that they can all cry together. The events are called Cry-A-Bunches and they are becoming increasingly popular in the United States. People cry about all kinds of things together because they like knowing that there are others who feel just as bad as they do. * Pennies For Hungry. A ten year old boy in Santa Monica, California is changing the world...with pennies. Little Jimmy Prizzent decided that he could make a difference in the world so he began collecting pennies. He calls his project Pennies For Hungry. During the first month, Little Jimmy made over 8 cents. The initial success prompted him to schedule a series of rallies and notable events in his home city to motivate people to get out and donate. Prizzent has now made close to 27 cents and the donations continue to pour in. A wealthy donor offered to give Little Jimmy several hundred dollars but Little Jimmy refused. When asked about this, he replied "I really like pennies. The things that guy had were not pennies, they were flat paper things. How can anyone change the world with flat paper things? That's so stupid." Prizzent has been spotted on several national talk shows recently letting people know about his noble mission. By the end of 2025 he expects to have collected more than 57 pennies. * Saustex Salute. This month we salute Texas-based Saustex Records for carrying the torch for so many years, continuing to expose people to credible music they might not otherwise be aware of. Jeff Smith's label stands out as a label driven first and foremost by a genuine desire to help cool artists garner attention and visibility. * Tennessee Ernie Ford will be getting back together in 2025. * Underground / Overground. Underground music doesn't always sound like underground music. And that is certainly the case with the new album from Santa Barbara, California's FrodoCPU, the musical project created by Frode Holm. The band's new album is entitled Horizons and it contains ten tracks that are surprisingly accessible. Cool melodic songs include "Wayfaring Stranger," "New Moon" and "When All Is Said." Many of these songs could easily be hugely popular in the United States with the right distribution and promotion behind them. * Everyone is talking about something. Something just happened and it caught everyone's attention. It doesn't matter that the thing is trivial and uninteresting. The thing that matters is that the thing is all over the internet and people in the media keep talking about it. Tomorrow everyone will be talking about something else, but it won't be interesting either. * Ultra-cool Seattle, Washington-based band Acapulco Lips have a new album out entitled Now (on Killroom Records). This band has a unique sound that combines elements from 1960s girl groups with psychedelia. At a point in time when so many bands sound the same, Acapulco Lips stand out because they have a sound that is immediately genuine and real. * The Unstoppable Public Eyesore. If there's anyone who continues to make mega-waves in the world of underground music, it is San Pablo, California's Bryan Day. This uniquely driven fellow (also a musician and composer himself) has an uncanny knack for unearthing and connecting with some of the most unusual and credible musical artists out there. We received a whole slew of Public Eyesore releases that are more than worthy of your attention if you get off on genuinely different and/or artistic experimental audio stuff. First off is a new vinyl LP entitled The Solar Cell by A Magic Whistle (the band created by Andy Puls). Puls is an instrument inventor, multi-instrumentalist and composer. On this LP he presents twenty-one tracks the are purely inspired and unique. These recordings were made from 2021 to 2024, most created in a small hut (for which the album is titled) in the Cascade Mountains of Northernmost California. This beautifully packaged LP features cool simple cover graphics and was pressed on brilliant yellow vinyl. This one was obviously a labor of love. Remarkable and memorable in so many ways. Also just released is a CD entitled Duos For Voice and Runglers by Ron Heglin and Tom Djll. Difficult to easily explain and having a sound that is quite unlike anything else out there, Heglin and Djll are treading in territory that will be unfamiliar to almost everyone. This is one you need to hear so you can come up with your own comparisons and/or explanations. Strange stuff, definitely not intended for those who like their music samey and familiar (haw!). Also just released on Public Eyesore is the double CD Fed Up With Bass by Eugene Chadbourne and Jair-Rohm Parker Wells. The lengthy album is an exercise in pure artistic creativity. The duo present thirty-two tracks that are unpredictable and peculiar. Chadbourne provides acoustic and electric guitars and personal effects. Wells provides acoustic upright bass, NS Design electric basses and bows, synthesis, modular processing and sound design. Wildly inventive stuff. Last but certainly not least is the new CD entitled Benign Neglect from S*Glass. This fellow is a founding member of Bren't Lewiis Ensemble and Glands of External Secretion and the main man behind the publication Bananafish which was published between the 1980s and 2004. The press release probably sums up this release best with this sentence: "S. Glass presents a trio of tottering audio travelogues and vestigial recollections: impressionistic alingual exchanges splattered with organic tribological noise, ebbing bursts of avian chatter and unsettling ficto-mechanical percolations." Hats off to whoever wrote that one. Whew! And if you weren't already blown away by all the latest Public Eyesore releases (above), Mr. Day has also released three new cassettes on his increasingly bizarre sub-label eh? (we love how purposely uncommercial all of this stuff is). The first cassette is Concatenation by Death Pyre. This band is a combo or sorts featuring the talents of the goth duo Ampyre and the post-industrial/noise outfit Death Factory. Not intended for dull listeners and wimpsters, the album is a pure excursion into the world of genuine inspiration. The second cassette release is Black Pits by Hallway Five. This band is the trio comprised of Jacob deRaadt, Sequoyah and John (trumpet player, no last name given). The trio got together for this single recording session and Black Pits is the result. Strangely abstract stuff. The third eh? cassette is entitled Noise To Body, Repairs in D by Lunt. Lunt is the recording project created by Latvia-based artist Gilles Deles-Velins who has been involved in a wide range of experimental projects and is also the co-founder of the We Are Unique! Records label and also the director of The Tremens Archives. Three mind melding tracks here: "Dirt Unleashed Desire," "Distonic" and "Dismantle Delusion." Public Eyesore and eh? releases are always wild trips into unexpected territories. * Just released on Germany's Tapete Records is the new album from Prolapse entitled I Wonder When They're Going To Destroy Your Face (no, we did not make up this title!). The band is comprised of David Jeffreys (guitar), Pat Marsden (guitar), Tim Pattison (drums), Mick Harrison (bass) and Donald Ross Skinner (guitar). This is the band's first album since they released their last album Ghosts of Dead Aeroplanes 26 years ago (!?!). This band's blend of post punk, krautrock and folk is quite unlike anything else out there in 2025. Cool stuff. * What The World Needs Now Is Synth Pop Synth. And we're not talking about the computer-generated commercial dribble that dominates the airwaves this century. We're talking old school synth pop that harkens back to the 1980s when the genre was new and inspired. At the top of the crest is the ultra cool duo who call themselves Hyperbubble. Jess DeCuir and Jeff DeCuir have made it their mission to deliver credible old school synth pop to the world. The DeCuirs keep the music light and upbeat but there are always those punchy rhythms that keep things exciting and interesting. Fans of the band (and others) will be delighted to know that the band has a new album out entitled The Singles that collects all of their early singles that were originally released in England, Scotland, Germany and France. The CD can be obtained directly from the band while lime green vinyl is being released by the cool Texas punk label Kaniption Records. Seventeen tracks of synth pop bliss that remind us of why we originally fell in love with this band and their music. In a world full of sarcasm and negativity, Hyperbubble stands out as a constant reminder that music can still deliver positive upbeat vibes that simply make people feel good. * Hats off to Charo. This month we tip our hats to the one and only Charo, a wonderfully talented individual who has been entertaining people for decades. There's really no one else like her. Although she is mainly known as a pop culture icon and actress, Charo is also an incredibly talented and accomplished guitarist. She's one of those larger-than-life personalities who has so much presence that she always grabs your attention no matter who else is on the stage or screen. We're pleased as punch to report that the folks at Vibe On Records are reissuing Charo's album Cuchi Cuchi that she recorded with The Salsoul Orchestra long ago (on CD & vinyl). To celebrate the reissue, the label and the folks at A Touch Too Much are hosting an intimate evening with Charo at the Catalina Jazz Club on September 7, 2025. It's sure to be an unforgettable event, shining a well-deserved spotlight one of the most unique and genuinely talented entertainers of our time. We love Charo! *