LMNOP: Fourteen Things To Avoid When Putting Out YOUR OWN CD

Fourteen Things To Avoid When Putting Out
YOUR OWN CD

Releasing your own CD can be a fulfilling and rewarding experience, but along the way most people usually make mistakes...costly mistakes...that have the potential to ruin what could have been a perfectly worthwhile project. After listening to and evaluating thousands upon thousands of CDs, we came up with a list of the most commonly made mistakes folks make when putting out their own compact discs.

1. STARTING THE CD WITH SCRATCHES AND POPS.

While simulating a needle dropping onto a vinyl record might have been inventive and clever once upon a time, it is now simply annoying. A word of advice. Don't do it.

2. ASKING YOUR FRIENDS FOR THEIR OPINION OF THE DISC.

Your friends' opinions matter the least, and no matter what they say you will always end up being deceived. If they say they like it, you're going to think they're saying it just to make you feel good...and if they hate it, you'll probably never speak to them again.

3. PUTTING "HIDDEN TRACKS" ON THE DISC.

Putting "hidden tracks" on a CD so that they startle the listener by popping up at odd, unpredictable moments is just plain rude. If you were sitting beside a flowing river, would you want the sound to stop...and then suddenly snap back 15 minutes later? Consider the flow of the disc, as well the feelings of your listeners.

4. PUTTING SATANIC IMAGES ON THE COVER.

It's not shocking. It's not bizarre and subversive. It's not even an attention getter anymore. Nowadays, putting satanic images on your CD cover is just trite and samey. Be a little bit more inventive by not doing what ten million other bands haven't already done in the past.

5. SENDING OUT COPIES TO A&R PEOPLE AT RECORD COMPANIES.

Face it. These people don't give a rat's ass about music. If they did, they wouldn't be working for a record company. Besides, those slimy A&R bastards want to have that special, shitty little feeling that they discovered your rotten, worthless little band instead of your rotten, worthless little band finding them. Makes sense, doesn't it?

6. FILLING UP THE ENTIRE DISC EVEN IF IT MEANS THE LAST SONG IS NOTHING MORE THAN A DIAL TONE OR SOME OTHER DRONING ELECTRONIC NOISE.

Though it may be hard to believe, more is not always better. You may say that the final 23 minute song on your disc is your venture into "ambient" or "trance" music or whatever...but you and I both know that it was really just a failed attempt to put something entertaining on every second of usable space.

7. GIVING THE BAND, THE CD, AND THE SONGS SUCH OBTUSE, PECULIAR NAMES THAT NO ONE CAN TELL THEM APART.

Though you may feel that it's cool and artsy for your band X279G to release a CD entitled BN89-P, in actuality you're only going to lose most of your listeners and piss off disc jockeys. Also, giving all the songs the same name (or not naming them at all) so that folks discussing your CD have no way of referring to specific pieces on the disc is just plain dumb.

8. PUTTING A BAR CODE ON THE DISC.

Don't waste the time and money. You'll end up spending more for the bar code itself than you'll ever make from selling the disc.

9. HAVING SEMI-FAMOUS GUEST ARTISTS PLAY OR SING ON THE DISC.

This is a really big NO-NO. Having other supposedly "well known" guest artists appear on your disc to lend credibility to your project because no one really cares who you are or what you do is a major mistake. Besides...you'll only end up having to do favors for all those guest artists whose talents were always questionable in the first place.

10. LEAVING THE NAME OFF OF THE DISC ITSELF.

You may think that simply putting images on the CD itself is enough, but it isn't. Try to remember that there are tons of folks out there with thousands upon thousands of these obnoxious little items filling up their homes. You're not going to win any points with them by making it difficult for them to put the right ones in the right boxes.

11. RE-RELEASING MUSIC THAT WAS PREVIOUSLY AVAILABLE ON ANOTHER FORMAT.

Don't be a wussy. At least have the energy and drive to record something NEW.

12. DONATING THE "PROFITS" (ha!) TO A HUMAN RIGHTS ORGANIZATION.

Wanna sink to the lowest of the lows? Put a notice on the CD informing everyone that you are donating all of your imagined profits to the human rights organization of your choice. Though this sort of thing may appeal to retarded morons and assholes, you will lose any and all credibility in the real world.

13. TRYING TO ACTUALLY SELL THE CDs.

No one cares about your pathetic, ailing little music career...so why bother all those folks out there by struggling to gain their attention and approval? Remember, the only reason you recorded the damn thing in the first place was to try and beef up your own rapidly deteriorating perception of yourself, so don't make the mistake of thinking that anyone else gives a damn.

14. GIVING UP HOPE.

Whatever you do, don't give up hope. The things you have to say and the messages you want to get across are important. You're not really just wasting valuable time and energy creating something that no one ever wanted to hear in the first place. Are you?

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